Diplomacy 101

bglassco@email.es.cc.va.us
Thu, 20 Nov 1997 23:44:24 -0600

OK, kids, gather around. There's plenty of places to sit; every time you
make a pike you end up with just a sixth of the wood's mass, so there's
plenty of sawdust in the shop to stuff furniture with. Pull up a chair and
listen to Uncle Illustrated.
Diplomacy is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do,
while making them think it was their own idea. It's telling someone to go
to hell in such a way as to make them look forward to the trip.
The best diplomats are those who put themselves in the shoes of their
enemies. What would I do if I was in their situation? What would
influence me? Do I want to be seen as peaceful, or warmongering? (Note:
this is a totally different question from whether or not you wish to be
peaceful or a warmonger!) Will this person be more useful to me as an ally
or an enemy? If an ally, what will make them my friend? If an enemy, what
will piss them off?
The greatest rule of diplomacy, however, is that you must keep the demands
you make commensurate with the number of cards you hold. Threats and
insults are the privilege of the strong. For the weak, the weapons of
choice are politeness, subtlety, and conspiracy.
I'd like to say this, not as a friend of PLATO, but as an observer of the
diplomatic world. Suppose someone comes and invades my land, for somewhat
shaky reasons. They wipe out the city garrison, capture one or two of my
nobles, and kill another noble. Then, just as I'm expecting an assault
that will remove me from the game, they stop and sue for peace.
Presumably, they've decided that their long-term need for positive world PR
outweighs their short-term tactical advantage and their ability to
eliminate a potential enemy. My continued survival depends upon their
forebearance and willingness to give me time to rebuild.
First, I must realistically look at how damaged I am. The damaged temple
is nothing...that should only take a few days to rebuild. The loss of the
city garrison is a greater blow. The loss of the noble may or may not be a
major setback, depending on the noble.
Now, I look at what I want out of the situation. Time to rebuild,
certainly. I want the army to go away, and since I don't know how
committed they are to doing so, my NUMBER 1 PRIORITY is to not piss them
off further.
What else I want depends upon my goals.
1) If I really just want peace at all costs, then I'm tempted to go along
with their offer, call it a misunderstanding, and try to mend fences.
2) If I'm willing to take a bit of a risk, then I POLITELY tell them that,
while I respect my opponents for their willingness to make peace, I still
cannot consider myself appeased until they have made restitution for the
garrison and dead noble. I figure out what the noble was worth to me, and
ask for it. Heck, they're rich. The Danes called this weregild.
3) If I decide that nothing will satisfy me but vengeance, then I do much
the same as I would do in 1 or 2. Knowing that their desire is for good
PR, I deal with them politely to their faces, even if I am contacting their
other enemies behind their backs. I accept the grace period they give me
to rebuild, and plan my own counterattack, with no warning, just as they
once attacked themselves. They may be suspicious, but hopefully my
politeness will keep them enough off their guard to give me an opening. Or
if I am extremely honorable and don't want to give false impressions, I at
least equivocate and am ambiguous on the subject of my feelings over being
invaded.

WHAT I DO NOT DO is INSULT and THREATEN them while they are still camped
around my castle. I do NOT send them a message which says, in essence, the
following.
"You are my sworn and eternal enemy. I will never rest until I take you
down. I am weak now and you can easily crush me, but if you leave me alone
I may grow strong enough to become a serious annoyance. I will also try to
drag down your world stature and make your gesture of declaring peace
pointless. By far your best long-range option is to turn around and
destroy me while you can do so relatively easily."

So in conclusion, if the Creepy Crawlers can ignore such a message and
walk away, knowing full well that they leave behind them an enemy
irrevocably dedicated to bringing their destruction, then I salute them for
showing more forebearance than I would show in their shoes.

The Illustrated Man

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