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   | The Olympia Times                                       issue g1-116 |
   | September 11, 1996                                                   |
   |                                                                      |
   | turn 116  124 players                  http://www.pbm.com/oly/times/ |
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               Questions, comments, to play:  info@pbm.com

                             Olympia PBEM

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                        Player-contributed press



The Lords of Revelstone are cheered by the spirit of comity and
philanthropy that suffuses the Land and the lands beyond.  We
repeat our offer to all in search of learning to come study with
us, and we support the efforts of those, like the Royal Geographic
Society, who bring light and knowledge to the world and those
others who join together for safety and advancement.
An age unlike all others is within our reach.
-Variol, high lord of the Council of Lords at Revelstone

[MUSIC OVER: "The Times They Are A-Changing," Bob Dylan]
[*NOTE TO LEGAL: we can use this, can't we?  He's dead, right?]
P.O.V. tracks in from high above street level, passing by a LIVELY
BAR filled with people having a loud, cheery good time.  We close
in on an alley next to the bar, wherein a TATTERED FIGURE slumps.]
     TATTERED FIGURE: I had it all!  I was ruler, king, lord and
     master! No one challenged me!
An EMPLOYEE steps briefly from the LIVELY BAR.
     EMPLOYEE: Put a sock in it, rummy!
The EMPLOYEE discards some trash in the alley and returns inside.
     TATTERED FIGURE: I'll blast you!  I'll blast you- Hey, wait!
The TATTERED FIGURE is too late. The EMPLOYEE is gone.
     TATTERED FIGURE: Too slow.  I would've gotten him.  In the old
     days, I'd have fried him, nothing but ashes.
The TATTERED FIGURE takes a draft from an ice-blue bottle.
Suddenly, a familiar apparition appears.
     DOGMATIX: These aren't the old days anymore, old foe.
BASTRESTRIC (for it is him) reacts with surprise, and lurches
halfway to his feet.
     BASTRESTRIC: You!  I'll-  I'll- I'll--
     DOGMATIX: Blast me, yes, I know.  Save it for later.
     BASTRESTRIC: What are you doing here?  I thought your eyeless
     skull was sitting on my mantle still.
     DOGMATIX: Times have changed, and the world has no place for
     us any longer.  Can you doubt that?
     BASTRESTRIC: (sneering) Perhaps your day is done, you
     pretentious cur, but I still rule the world!
     DOGMATIX: Sure you do.  Look at you!  Here you are- and
     [motions toward LIVELY BAR] there they are!
     BASTRESTRIC: Maybe you're right.  Sometimes [sighs] I just
     don't feel so relevant any more.
     DOGMATIX: (brightly) The answer's right in your hands, BtA!
     BASTRESTRIC: What do you mean?  This?  [He holds up the bottle
     of ice blue ORC OIL NA]
     DOGMATIX: Exactly!  It's not our world any more, and there's
     just no place for ripping abdominal seizures and paralytic
     convulsions in the new world of Turn 115!
     BASTRESTRIC: I always did think the ice-blue packaging was so
     80's.  But what is there for us?
     VO: A new brew for the new days: Orc Oil Oldstile!  Made with
     a centuries-old process, using only the finest spring water,
     ratspider venom, and the filthiest and most bedraggled orcs,
     and then filtered through pretus bones and dragon membranes
     for a taste and a kick no other orc Oil can match!
BASTRESTRIC and DOGMATIX lift bottles of new Orc Oil Oldstile, and
hold them out, showing the odd hinged ceramic cap atop the bottle.
     BASTRESTRIC: Say! That is a new taste!
     DOGMATIX: And the new hinged ceramic cap thing alone is worth
     the increased price!
     BASTRESTRIC: There's just one thing I don't get: Why is it Orc
     Oil Oldstile?
     DOGMATIX: It should be obvious, you old goat-  When it comes
     to Orc Oil Oldstile, there's no "y" about it!
     VO: New Orc Oil Oldstile, with the hinged ceramic cap: it
     costs a lot extra, but it's not your father's orc oil!
[PRINT DISCLAIMER in superimposition:
          "Revelstone breweries takes no responsibility for
          accidental consumption of Orc Oil NA, Orc Oil Oldstile,
          or Your Father's Orc Oil.  All Revelstone Orc Oil
          products are sold with the intent that they be used to
          dissolve machine parts, or for the pharmacological
          correction of psychoses in farm animals.  Keep away from
          free oxygen.  Do not incinerate.  Orc Oil is known to
          cause spontaneous hemorrhaging in rocks.  Use only in a
          doctor's office."


                           -- Lords of Revelstone [ad4]



My guess to the letter riddle is  " hjku jjjk ba gfdr fffd n; "

                               -- The day of Rest [ju3]



   The Order of the Yellow Peacocks is undertaking and expedition for the 
   Royal Geographic Society.  We are journeying to the southeastern corner
   of the map.  If anyone has any objections, comments, suggestions or
   anything else, I would be delighted to hear from you.  You can contact
   me at rww@ica.net.

                  -- Order of the Yellow Peacocks [rk8]



The Spanish Inquisition is currently undertaking an expedition for the Royal
Geographic Society. The Comfy Chair [im9k] is sailing to lands where no noble
has gone before. But if YOU are standing already on the "new" land, do not
feel disturbed and please have patience with this inquisitive explorers.

Wurnas, Captain of the Comfy Chair [k6d]

                           -- Spanish Inquisition [sg3]




                   --=RGS=--  Announcement --=RGS=--

                         OLYMPIA CIRCUMNAVIGATED

For the first time in recorded history, a ship has sailed completely
around Olympia from east to west. Captain Kadar Oridin, of House
Greyfletch, has successfully navigated the Grey Bird from his home in West
Camaris to the Prime Meridian in column 01, then along the coastlines of
Torba Bacor, East Camaris, and South Camaris, and eventually back home
again. Said Captain Oridin of his exploit, "It would never have been
possible if it were not for my excellent crew, my loyal friend and first
mate Renelle Darkwood, and prodigious quantities of Orc Oil NA."

The possible use of stimulants aside, we salute this fine accomplishment
of Captain Oridin and of House Greyfletch, and name them Master Explorers
in recognition of their contributions to the Atlas, to the well-being of
the Society, and to maritime history in general.

                             NEW MEMBERSHIP

It gives us great pleasure to announce the enrollment of the First Bank of
Provinia as a Charter Member of the Society. All Olympia is aware of what
a fine humanitarian institution the Bank is, and of the assistance it
regularly provides to new and established factions alike. Welcome,
brothers!

The Bank has pledged to provide members of Society with transportation and
delivery services, for which we hereby appoint them to the position of RGS
Freightmaster.

                             RGS APPOINTMENTS

An organization is only as good as its leadership, and the Society is no
exception. Many of our Members have agreed to serve in leadership roles,
and their contributions are critical to our collective well-being. In the
past, these appointments have been considered a matter only for our
internal correspondence; but at this time we wish to acknowledge them
publicly.

Skulking Vermin:         RGS Master Cartographer
House Greyfletch:        RGS Master Explorer
Reservoir Gods:          RGS Archivist, and also Master Shipwright in IC
Lords of Revelstone:     RGS Quartermaster
First Bank of Provinia:  RGS Feightmaster

We can truthfully say that without the contributions of these fine
Factions, and also those of our Membership at large, the Society could not
function, and the Great Work itself would be unattainable.

                   ASSISTANCE FOR STARTING FACTIONS

The Society extends the hand of friendship to all recently-formed
Factions. We will send any such Faction one copy of the New Atlas, free
of obligation, together with whatever advice and assistance our humble
Organization can provide.

For more information, contact our Representative, the Honorable Brett
Miller, at 103534.1454@compuserve.com .

                             THE MEMBERSHIP

                    Royal Geographical Society [sp9]
                      Skulking Vermin [sx6], C/RGS
                      House Greyfletch [pb7], C/RGS
                      Reservoir Gods [qb4], C/RGS
                    Lords of Revelstone [ad4], C/RGS
                        Ninth Wave [nr2], C/RGS
                      the day of Rest [ju3], C/RGS
                    Spanish Inquisition [sg3], C/RGS
                Order of the Yellow Peacocks [rk8], C/RGS
                        Clan Talavyn [qn3], C/RGS


                    -- Royal Geographical Society [sp9]




               --------------------------------
                 South & West CAMARIS  Update
               --------------------------------

Monthly notice: every new visitor to either of
our two fair isles should notify us in advance.


                            -- The Crazy Quilters [vn7]



A reply from Gustav, Knight Explorer of the RGS, to the recent rumors
targeted at the fledgling Brotherhood of All Factions:

Bartholomew has been preoccupied of late with his work on the
Brotherhood, so he asked me to speak here in his stead.

I am a man of far fewer words than our good Knight Commander, so I'll
make this brief.

If Bartholomew wishes to forward a new idea promoting peace and
brotherhood between factions, where is the harm in that? And if a few
other factions who feel likewise wish to join, why should that be
considered a threat by anyone?

Someone Asked:

>Brotherhood of all fractions is another smoke screen, right?

By "smoke screen", you mean a cover story for something else, right?
*No*, there is no ulterior motive for forming the Brotherhood. Promoting
understanding and cooperation between factions seems a fairly worthwhile
and fairly straightforward exercise to me; what do you think?

>Do RGS has the intention to bring a new era, or built a empire???

RGS intentions are to make a *really nice* map of Olympia. We are neither
reformers nor statesmen.

And Someone Else Asked:

>The RGS Overlord says let's have a Brotherhood of Factions and all
>be friends, at last the end to banditry and strife. This is a wonderful
>idea apart from several tiny flaws:

>1) Some of us are sisters - are we disenfranchised already?

In the Real World, perhaps. In the Brotherhood, no. All factions will be
equal, having one vote each. It's just that "Personhood" sounded rather
uninspiring...

>2) Some of us are bandits - what do we get out of it?

One vote, same as everyone else. Remember, this is more of a
discussion group than anything else; it's not out to punish anyone. It
need not even be moralistic, unless its membership so decides.

>3) Some of us are independent - why should we submit to RGS domination?

RGS what? Domination? It's true that we may have flogged some of our
peasants needlessly in the past, but I assure you that's all behind us
now...

The Brotherhood, once formed, can elect its own leadership. The RGS
involvement is meant only to get the ball rolling; after that, we will
gladly step aside.

Pax Profundis.

[With apologies to the late Answer Guy, may his barbs be ever-sharp.]

                                        -- Gustav [b3a]



>Q: Is anyone ever across Olympia from north to south yet?

Yes. 


>When a noble falls in the forest does he make a sound?

Yes. Ouch!


> Just who was Bta anyway?
> Is he still around?

Probably the most powerful mage to have ever existed. As to wether he is
still around, I'm sure if you announce your id he'll give you an up close
demonstration of how the "Aura Blast" spell works.


> So if you cross a peasant and a horse, do you get a centaur?

More than likely.

> And if you cross a centaur and a peasant, what happens?

You get arrested for offences against humanity!


                        -- FBoP Information Service

                        -- First Bank of Provinia [v0z]



I'm Jack and these are my beans, but no beans will be available
for the next two weeks. I assure all my customers that I am not
crazy, just on vacation.

                        -- Jaques et ses Haricots [x1a]



                                 Rumors



They call me Mr. Putterman...



What is AOO means in Olympia world



New Riddle: I run smoother than any rhyme, I love to fall but cannot climb. I
tremble at each breath of air, and yet can heaviest burdens bear...?



 need gold, really needed!



If that is what you believe in Olympia, Day of Rest, please leave the address
of your castle and we will fullfill your request very soon!!!



 . . . or is that being picked? . . .   B-)



If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.



kabuuum



Q: Is anyone ever across Olympia from east to west yet?



   The Olympian Peoples Front will destroy
   the oppressors. Viva the OPF . Viva EL
   Presidente !!  



  Does a ship have a total weight? If it does then you should be able
  to portage it accross land with enough oxen? 



Hi, there. Remember me? No one else does, either, which is why I carry
the Olympia Express card. Use it for all your travel needs: longswords,
dragons, nazgul. Don't try to conquer Provinia without it! XXXX



   If you can't think of anything better to say than:
      "Water, water everywhere, and still only 25 gold" or
      "Gold for the needy" or
      "Ka-ching"
   you must have a pretty crappy imagination.
   Rumors are an important part of Olympian society,
   don't abuse there usage.
                The Protectorate of the Sacred Rumor
                        XXXX



  pannin' for gold.



   The Protectorate of the Sacred Rumor should
   set an example andchange their post every 
   couple of months



  Gold for the needy!



How do you get your noble back from the Bandits?
      XXXX



katschenggg



One more final rumor



The Day of Rest says "war is about territory", and suggests
people shouldn't attack him for not having any. In fact war
is about capturing noble points, which he probably _does_ have.
Lack of territory just makes it harder to defend one's noble
points.



  So little time - So many empty lairs.



   Where do you find the peasants who are willing to 
   be crossed with the oxen?    (& vice versa...)     XXXX



   Why isn't SWIMMING a skill?!?!              XXXX



  Tally ho! Off to sea we go! 



    Better late than never.
   XXX (Just trying to keep Marat amused)



   My apologies to the Protectorate of the Sacred Rumor,
   but I'm afraid I don't have anything original to post
   this week.  Then again, it is still better than your
   continuous posting of the same message.  =) Normally,
   I wouldn't bother to post a rumor if I don't have 
   anything to say, but I should at least honor my own 
   request to continous post the XXXX.  




   I hear that the AOO have opened Hades to all travelors.  Is this
   true?





It's Easy, when your us.
When Your Rich. When your Famous.
Who is going to stop the AOO, then ????



   Remember, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean 
    that they're not after you...       XXXX



 Movement is beginning
 A new empire starts to grow



 "will some one please tell me what Spiny Root is used for"



   Earl's well, that ends well.